Yellowstone National Park, Grand Teton National Park, Jackson Hole, Devil’s Tower National Monument, Mount Rushmore, Canadian National Parks-Banff, Yoho, and Jasper. Whistler, Vancouver, Bellingham, Seattle, Portland, Mount Hood National Forest, the Oregon Coast, and Redwood National Park. These are all places my husband, Matt, our two dogs, Oliver and Lincoln, and I have traveled in the last three and a half months while living in our RV. Welcome! We are the “Carpe Diem Campers.”
Of course, the English interpretation of “carpe diem” is “seize the day.” Most imaginations might elicit such adrenaline seeking activities such as sky diving or mountain climbing or base jumping, but the reality is that “carpe diem” means something different to everyone. Ever since I watched “Dead Poet’s Society” in middle school English class, the phrase has stuck with me. So much that I got a tattoo about 4 years ago to remind me to live by the phrase. This RV life of travel is our “carpe diem.”
Typically our blog will be about our travel adventures, valuable information about living in an RV, and just simply-the important things in life. Future blog posts will include detailed information about how we made this lifestyle happen, challenges on the road, our favorite campsites, dog-friendly adventures, and more.
But this particular story is not about us or our travels. It’s about something bigger.
It has been over a month since my last update on social media. I could not bring myself to post about our adventurous lives before sharing the story of a truly AMAZING life. I needed this post to be meaningful enough to honor someone very dear to me whom I lost on Wednesday, October 3. My cousin, Brian Froneyberger, had been courageously fighting head and neck cancer for the past three years. More recently, his story went viral with a beautiful video dedicated to him and his family. I shared it on social media immediately, as it is the most moving portrayal of love, kindness, generosity, and community support that I have ever witnessed or felt a personal connection to.
His Last Day
Matt and I had just arrived in the Mt. Hood National Forest near Portland, OR. We were sitting around the bonfire. All I knew was that my dad had called that morning to say Brian, somewhat unexpectedly, may take his last breaths. I hadn’t heard anything throughout the day, and I was too scared to call for an update for fear I would get bad news. Finally, as we were sitting, thinking, in a bit of a daze staring at the fire, I called my mom. It was about 10:30PM. She answered, crying, saying he had just passed moments ago. She was at the hospital. She was about to call my dad to tell him to update my brother and I, but somehow I felt the urge to call her at that specific time. She needed me. We cried together, and she told me stories of the love and beauty she saw during his last day.
The Single Worst Airport Experience of My Life
I had already booked my flight home the night before, not knowing his condition had taken a turn for the worst. I left on Friday…didn’t arrive until Saturday. That’s another story in of itself. To sum it up, I made it from Portland to Chicago, only for my flight to be delayed 4 times then finally canceled at 1AM. I stayed the night in O’Hare, deliriously dragging myself from terminal to terminal throughout the night looking for the “cots they set up for us,” never to be found. I found myself mistakenly outside of airport security around 2AM, which I then discovered did not re-open until 3:30AM. I settled for a spot on the tile, and in between tears, I laughed, watching “New Girl.”
I was so fearful that I would not make it back to St. Louis in time for my cousin, Gage’s (Brian’s son), homecoming football game Saturday afternoon. He did not play for obvious reasons, but he and his girlfriend were being honored as homecoming king and queen. You see, this boy is special. Just like his father. And everyone at his high school recognized that. I also knew much of my extended family would be there and that the high school football team would honor Brian in some way. I wanted so badly to be there to show my support.
I made it through the night with maybe an hour of shut-eye, scrunched on a couple airport seats.
Strung out and shaking, I waited for my name to be called on the 7:45am stand-by flight. I was number 4. With past experience on stand-by, I knew my chances were slim. They called number 1, the lady who had been on the phone yelling at customer service all night. Number 2. Number 3. I stood up, fingers crossed (literally), shaking from exhaustion and an overwhelming desire to make that plane.
“Amy Ree-Kart, please report to the stand,” I hear over the loud speaker.
“Does this mean I get a seat?” I asked in disbelief.
“Yep.”
“Oh my god! Thank you so much! Thank you!” I shared a smile and high five with a stranger who also was called and had been stuck at the airport all night.
As I fumbled to my seat, still shaking, a man gave up his seat to a couple and sat next to me. I hadn’t talked to anyone in person all night- just cried to myself as I was dealing with heartbreak, stress, and loneliness. So, needless to say, this stranger got an ear-full! Good thing he was so kind and easy to talk to. We exchanged airport stories, as his flight was canceled also. We pretty much shared our life stories, how we had met our significant others, and plans for the future. We discovered we even have a couple mutual friends! I was so grateful to be on that plane, it was exactly what I needed to refresh my spirit. Funny how the universe works.
Home at Last
This was the first time I saw my mom, dad and brother since we took off about 3 months earlier. My mom and dad picked me up at Lambert Airport. We could not contain our emotions. I saw the car, my mom popped out first, and we held each other crying tears of joy and sadness. It was such a moment of rawness and a flooding of emotion that I hadn’t really experienced before. I missed them.
Off we went for a quick stop at home before the football game. Almost my entire extended family was there to share in the love, honor, and celebration of Brian’s life. It was a very powerful and proud moment in my life. How lucky was I? Brian was my cousin, and he had so clearly touched so many people’s lives. The stands were blanketed in black, #Brianstrong t-shirts which had been sold for a fundraiser before his passing. The atmosphere was full of love and support for his wife, Donna, and the whole family. It was a happy day.
Funeral Services
I arrived early to help set up photos and display the photo album my mom and I made the night before. I helped Madi, Brian’s daughter, set up a poster board with pictures of Brian coaching her and Gage in several sports. The amount of pictures was overwhelming. Just a few examples of poster boards included ones entitled “Froney’s hair,” “Froney’s cars,” and “Body Building Competitions.” Brian was always into fitness and health, and hair, and style. 😉 The video that went viral was playing continuously in the corner. Slideshows of Brian’s childhood, a table dedicated to Brian’s high school football career, and personal, individual picture boards from Gage, Madi, and Donna lined the entry way.
I couldn’t bring myself to the front of the church to see him. Not without my parents by my side. So I waited for them to arrive. When the time was right, we went up to see him, pay our respects, and give love to our family.
I hugged Uncle Dan, Brian’s father, who was there with Brian every step of the way. Every single time I hugged him while I was home, he teared up and said “Thank you so much for making the trip in. It means so much.” It was never a question in my mind.
I truly admire Donna. How she stayed so positive throughout this journey is unfathomable. I admire her strength, courage, and outlook on life. I let her know that Matt really wanted to be there, too, to give his love and support to them. Their family means a lot to both of us. She said “I know. We love him too. Especially since he’s the only one taller than Gage.” (Matt is 6’6″ to give some perspective, Gage is probably 6’3″)
We shared a giggle, then I gave Gage a hug, and he just simply said “I love you so much.” This boy melts my heart. He has a special place in my heart being the first child of my cousins. He grew up as I was in my twenties. I babysat him, and he was just the sweetest kid. We all love him so much.
Next, I hugged and embraced Madi, who is 13, beautiful like her momma, and towers over me at 5’10.” I especially worry about Madi, as I know the struggles of that age very well, since I was a middle school teacher for 9 years. Madi is a sweetheart. Any time she sees one of the younger cousins, she scoops them up and loves on them, and they love her too. She would be a great preschool teacher one day.
Dan, Donna, Dee, Mom 
This is Brian
There was standing room only available by the time the church service started. The pastor stated three things Brian wanted in terms of his funeral.
- 1. He did not want to be buried in a suit. He didn’t like wearing them in life, so he didn’t want to wear one for eternity. He was wearing a white leather jacket and jeans.
- 2. He wanted to be late to his own funeral. Anyone who knew him, knew he was late to everything! This shows he still had his humor until the very end.
- 3. He wanted people NOT to be sad-to still laugh and be silly at his funeral.
She went on to explain Brian had accepted his life on earth was coming to an end. He understood and wanted others to understand that just because he is no longer here on earth, his spirit will live on in each one of us. His body is but a garment laid aside at night. He still lives. Her words were right. I have felt him in the breeze, I’ve heard his giggle, I’ve felt his presence as I sat alone with only my journal and Mt. Hood.
The service went on to move me to tears, laughter, and pure awe for the lives Brian influenced. Donna, Gage, and Madi each gave individual speeches about how Brian had taught them, supported them, and loved them. I still don’t understand how they did it. They are most definitely #Brianstrong.
Madi, at 13, so bravely, stood up at the podium first. She said “I know my dad wouldn’t want me to cry,” she paused, “so I won’t.” She made it through her whole speech standing tall, proud, and dry-eyed. How impressive.
Donna went next. So gracefully and courageously, she made a beautiful speech that evoked tears, laughs, purity, and truth. Her main message- to be kind, serve others, and stay positive in life as Brian had. She reminisced on the Halloween when Brian dressed as Deadpool and her as Wonder Woman. Those costumes could not have suited each of them more perfectly.
Gage was last. He talked about how so many told him that he was the mirror image of his father and that he possessed so many of the same endearing qualities. He talked about how he would live to make his father proud and continue his legacy. He has such a maturity for a high school senior. Gage mentioned how he’d make fun of his dad’s questionable clothing choices sometimes, but the truth was that he really adored his dad’s style and would even like to wear some of his clothes. It was the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard. So sincere.
Not only did the family make speeches, but his best friends of 40 years did as well. The message was to try and form genuine relationships like they had because it makes life so much more enjoyable. I felt proud in that moment because I am so grateful to have those types of friendships in my life.
The last speech was from one of Gage’s friend’s who was speaking on behalf of the 30 or so students standing behind her who had been influenced by Brian. She talked about the endless pizzas Brian would make for them and how he showed some of them what a real father should look like.
Honoring His Wishes
The next day as the hearse arrived, “Knocking on Heaven’s Door,” by Guns and Roses played over an amp Brian’s buddy brought, while #Brianstrong t-shirts lined the street, a greeting I know Brian appreciated. The burial was at a cemetery directly next to Uncle Dan’s farm, Brian’s favorite place. Even as Donna and the family arrived and were seated, she asked for the music to be turned back on. “Brian would have wanted it,” she said.
Everything about those two days were incredibly personal, and I know everyone there felt like family even if they weren’t. Afterwards, Uncle Dan and Aunt Dee invited everyone to a local restaurant for lunch and back to the farm to fish, reminisce, and share time with family and friends.
Brian’s buddies 100% honored his wishes by stripping down to their shorts, jumping in the lake, and racing around Brian’s memorial fountain. They were definitely silly, and they definitely made people laugh. 🙂 My brother, Eric, and I played soccer with our cousin’s nine year old son, Cruz. He is going to be a pro one day. The kid has mad skill.
And then the day was over. It was time to go home. Time to continue life without someone who has been an inspiration to me.
Feel the Pain
As painful as it is to relive these moments, as easy as it would be for me to tuck away these memories, outta site-outta mind, right? But pain is part of life. A very important part of life. It is what makes us stronger, it is what makes us care, feel, show support, love, and gratitude. Brian wouldn’t want me to forget because it was painful. He knew pain more than anyone I know. He struggled, fought, was there at Gage’s football games as long as he could possibly stand it- he knows pain. He wants me to be happy. He wants all of us to be happy. That is what gave him joy, that is how joy spreads.
He was not afraid- not afraid to live a full life to the very end, to be brave, fight out in the open, show his disease, accept his fate. He did this all for his family- to show them what strength, and bravery, and courage looks like. He did not back down to cancer. No doubt he extended his life by doing everything in his power to stay here. Surgery, chemo, radiation, immunotherapy, specific diets, oils, alternative treatments, experimental treatments, traveling to Houston every week, and I’m sure so much more of which I’m unaware. He never gave up.
There is a reason his story was on the news, that his video had so many views, that those students organized a fundraiser for the father of a student. Brian was a very special man. I am so proud to call him my cousin. I will remember him forever and the lessons he showed us just by being him. I love you Brian, and I’ll miss you dearly, but you live on in me. And Matt. And my Mom. And Donna, Gage, and Madi. And your Dad. And EVERYONE who was fortunate enough to know you. We will always continue to be #Brianstrong.
Live Life to YOUR Fullest
What we can agree on is that some elements of “carpe diem” include doing what makes you happy, being your best self, and knocking down the wall of fear. Brian chose to live his last days to his fullest by doing what made him happy, being a supportive father and husband, going to his son’s football games, and making people laugh. Sometimes it’s the simple things in life that make all the difference.
Whatever it is that makes you truly happy, go for it with your whole heart. You will never regret it.
So what is YOUR “carpe diem?”
Brian and Donna took my cousins and I out to lunch to thank us for organizing a fundraiser for them.
A Final Thought
This was originally intended as a Facebook post, but it turned into the perfect first blog post. I began writing this for me. I wanted to remember everything I could about the experience going home and celebrating Brian’s life.
However, if you’ve made it to the end of this story, this post was also for you. I sure hope you have been inspired by this man, just as so many others were. If you would like to hear Brian’s story through his own words, he was interviewed on a podcast in the last couple weeks of his life.
Thanks for reading.
Tomorrow is not promised, so as always, CARPE DIEM!
